Challenging Behavior Tips for Families

Young children need help from adults to learn how they are expected to behave in social situations. Check out these helpful tips for how families can promote their child’s positive behavior during common routines that can sometimes be challenging. 

Leaving the House

“Help! When we go to leave the house, my child makes us late by taking too long to get ready.”

What you can do:

• Decide which tasks are most important — are you having them do too many things by themselves?
• Have a routine — this means doing the same things each time. This will help the child know what to expect each time you need to go.
• Choose which things you’ll have the child do by themselves, or independently. Help with the others. Gradually allow the child to do more things by themselves.
• Make sure there is enough time to complete the tasks they need to get done.
• With your child, draw a picture of each step the child needs to complete and post it by the door. If they forget what to do next, have them look at the pictures you drew together.
• Make sure to praise your child for each step they complete. Use specific praise — say, “I like how you _________.” Kids will repeat behaviors that get attention.

Riding the Bus

“Every time we get on the bus, my child yells and complains.”

What you can do:

Remember, “Busy Hands are Happy Hands.” Help prevent the yelling and complaining by giving them things to do while on the bus that they enjoy. Give them options and let them choose. As the parent, you’ll need to do some planning ahead of time. It’ll be worth it!

• Fill a bag with books, snacks, and toys your child only gets to play with while on the bus. You don’t need lots in the bag, just pick out a few things.
• Go to the library and check out a few books that you’ll only keep in your bus bag. When you get on the bus, give them a choice of two books to read. Say something like, “Would you like to read Going on a Bearhunt or The Quiet Cricket on our way to school today?”
• Keep healthy snacks in the bag. Sometimes kids are grouchy because they’re just hungry! They may be hungry after a long day running errands with you. Some snack ideas are raisins, bananas, pretzels, or goldfish. Also, keep a water bottle in your bag in case they get thirsty.
• Play an “I Spy” game. Ask them to look for a certain type or color of vehicle. Have them look for stop signs, certain types of animals, letters, or numbers. Or pick an object in the car, up ahead, or close to the road and only tell the color of the object. Say, “I spy something red. What do you think it is?” Then ask your child to guess what it is. Take turns choosing objects.

Riding in the Car

“Help! Every time we drive in the car, my child yells and cries.”

What you can do:

Remember, “Busy Hands are Happy Hands.” Help prevent the yelling and crying by giving them things to do while in the car that they enjoy. Give them options and let them choose. As the parent, you’ll need to do some planning ahead of time. It’ll be worth it!

• If your car has a CD player, go to the library and check out a few CDs with children’s music. Let your child choose which music to listen to in the car. Here are some ideas: Raffi, Caspar Babypants, The Wiggles, Jim Gill, Disney Soundtracks. Say something like, “Would you like to listen to Raffi or to The Wiggles today?”
• Go to the library and check out a few books that you’ll only keep in the car. Keep them in a bag by their car seat. When you get in the car, give them a choice of two books to read. Say something like, “Would you like to read Going on a Bearhunt or The Quiet Cricket on our way to school today?”
• If you don’t mind your child eating in the car, keep healthy snacks in the car. Sometimes kids are grouchy because they’re just hungry! They may be hungry after a long day running errands with you. Some snack ideas are raisins, bananas, pretzels, or goldfish. Also, keep a water bottle in the car in case they get thirsty.
• Play an “I Spy” game. Ask them to look for a certain type or color of vehicle. Have them look for stop signs or certain types of animals. Or pick an object in the car, up ahead, or close to the road and only tell the color of the object. Say, “I spy something red. What do you think it is?” Then ask your child to guess what it is. Take turns choosing objects.
• If they start throwing toys in the car, pull over and calmly tell them, “We don’t throw _________. You’re all done with  _____________. ” Then, suggest another activity like playing “I Spy.”

Cleaning Up Toys

“My child won’t clean up when I ask her to.”

What you can do:

• Make sure to give your child a warning ahead of time that they’ll have to clean up soon. Set a timer and tell them when it goes off it’ll be time to clean up.
• Ask them what the last toy they’re going to play with will be before it’s time to clean up.
• Try cleaning up to music — sing a song together while you clean up or try to finish cleaning up before a song finishes.
• If it takes too long to clean up because there are so many toys out, consider putting out less toys to begin with. Keep some in a box in a closet and rotate through toy choices.
• Also, try having them clean up toys as they finish an activity. If they’re playing Legos in one room, have them clean that up before they get out crayons at the table.
• Make cleaning up easier by using big buckets or bins that are labeled so the child has a clear idea of where toys belong.
• Make sure to praise your child when they clean up. Use specific praise — say, “I like how you _________.” Kids will repeat behaviors that get attention.

Cleaning Up Toys

“My child won’t clean up when I ask her to.”

What you can do:

• Make sure to give your child a warning ahead of time that they’ll have to clean up soon. Set a timer and tell them when it goes off it’ll be time to clean up.
• Ask them what the last toy they’re going to play with will be before it’s time to clean up.
• Try cleaning up to music — sing a song together while you clean up or try to finish cleaning up before a song finishes.
• If it takes too long to clean up because there are so many toys out, consider putting out less toys to begin with. Keep some in a box in a closet and rotate through toy choices.
• Also, try having them clean up toys as they finish an activity. If they’re playing Legos in one room, have them clean that up before they get out crayons at the table.
• Make cleaning up easier by using big buckets or bins that are labeled so the child has a clear idea of where toys belong.
• Make sure to praise your child when they clean up. Use specific praise — say, “I like how you _________.” Kids will repeat behaviors that get attention.

At the Grocery Store

“When we go to the grocery store, my child runs down the aisle and tantrums  when they don’t get what they want.”

What you can do:

Talk with your children before you go into the store and tell them how they should act when they get into the store. Use positive statements (do this) instead of negative statements (don't do this). Also, let them know what will happen if they do run down the aisle or don’t get what they want.

• Before you go into the store, tell your child that they need to either stand next to the cart or stay next to you the whole time.
• Tell them what will happen if they do run away. Be prepared to follow through. This could be anything from losing TV time or putting away a toy when they get home, or leaving the store and sitting outside for a timeout.
• While it’s inconvenient to immediately stop shopping, following through on giving a consequence to behaviors is very important. You can leave your cart in the store and always come back to it.
• If you child is getting bored, try to make grocery shopping fun by giving them ways to participate and help or playing games. Kids enjoy having special jobs to do.
• Also, to save time, plan ahead what you’re going to buy. If you know it’s going to be a long trip, bring more along some toys.
• Have them carry a basket if you’re just picking up a few items
• If you’ve made a list of what to get, let them hold it and give them a pen to check off items once they go in the cart.
• Play an “I Spy” game. Ask them to look for a certain color, letter, or number. Or pick an object up ahead in the aisle and only tell the color of the object. Say, “I spy something red. What do you think it is?” Then ask your child to guess what it is. Take turns choosing objects.
• When you can tell your child is getting fidgety, bring out some toys for them to play with that you’ve brought along.
• If you’ve brought along coupons, give them one at a time to your child and have them search for those particular items in the store.
• Have them look for workers they can say “Thank you” to.

Changing Activities or Making Transitions

"Help! My child yells, cries, and throws things when they have to change activities.” Changing activities is also called making transitions.

What you can do:

• Give your child a warning ahead of time that they’ll have to change activities. Set a timer and tell them when the timer beeps, they need to  go to the next activity.
• Give reminder about what comes next — tell the child what he or she can do after they’re finished.
• Just before a transition, give the child a picture or an object representing the  activity the child should go to next. The child can even take the picture or object  to the next activity.
• Use music and movement to transition. For example, have the child hop or take “giant steps” to the next activity.
• Try to include the child’s favorite activity, toy, or person in a specific activity. For example, if it’s time to go to bed and they love reading books with their dad, you could say, “After you finish your bath time, it will be time to read a book with Daddy!” Or if it’s time to leave a friend’s house and you have their favorite toy, music, or book in the car, say, “In two minutes, it will be time to leave, and when we get to the car, you get to listen to The Wiggles!”

Source: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Head Start, Early Childhood Learning & Knowledge Center